How to Forgive Someone Who Never Apologized

Your Healing Doesn’t Depend on an Apology

Some of the deepest hurts I have experienced came from people who never apologized. Learning how to forgive someone who never apologized has been one of the hardest parts of my faith journey. There was no acknowledgment of the pain they caused, no explanation, and no attempt to make things right. For a long time, I believed I couldn’t truly move forward until I heard the words, “I’m sorry.” I thought an apology would give me the closure I needed. But over time, I realized that if my healing depended on someone else’s actions, I might spend the rest of my life waiting.

That isn’t what God wants for me. For us.

One of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn is that forgiveness without an apology is still possible through God’s strength. Sometimes the people who hurt us don’t think they did anything wrong. Sometimes they don’t care. Other times, they’re simply no longer part of our lives. Whatever the reason, I eventually realized that holding onto resentment wasn’t hurting them nearly as much as it was hurting me. As I began praying for the person who hurt me, God slowly started changing my heart instead of just changing my circumstances. If you’re struggling with that too, you may find encouragement in Praying for Someone Who Hurt You: Choosing Peace When It Feels Impossible.

When I read Scripture, I don’t see God telling me to wait for an apology before I forgive. Instead, I see Him calling me to forgive because of the forgiveness I have already received through Christ. Ephesians 4:31-32 (NLT) says, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” That verse reminds me that forgiveness isn’t based on whether someone deserves it. It’s based on the grace God has shown me.

That doesn’t mean what happened didn’t matter. Forgiveness is not pretending I wasn’t hurt or acting like everything is okay. God never asks me to ignore my pain. Throughout the Psalms, David poured out his heartbreak, anger, and confusion to God. He was honest about his emotions, and I believe I can be too. Healing begins when I stop pretending I’m fine and bring my broken heart to the Lord exactly as it is.

I’ve also learned that bringing my broken heart to God doesn’t mean I have to walk through healing alone. For me, healing has included both leaning into my faith and seeking healthy support. I share more about that in Faith and Therapy: Why Both Can Work Together, where I talk about how God can work through both prayer and professional care.

I used to think forgiving someone meant I had to excuse their behavior, but that’s not true. I can acknowledge that someone hurt me while still choosing not to let bitterness control my heart. Forgiveness doesn’t erase what happened, and it doesn’t remove the consequences of someone’s actions. It simply means I am placing the situation in God’s hands instead of carrying the weight of it myself.

I’ve also learned that forgiveness is rarely a one-time event. There have been days when I felt like I had finally let something go, only for an old memory to bring the hurt rushing back. Instead of feeling discouraged, I remind myself that forgiveness is often a daily choice. Each time those feelings return, I can choose again to surrender them to God. Healing usually happens little by little, not all at once.

One of the biggest misunderstandings I had was believing forgiveness and reconciliation were the same thing. They’re not. Forgiving someone doesn’t always mean restoring the relationship. Some relationships are not to be restored. If someone continues to lie, manipulate, or treat me in unhealthy ways, I can forgive them without allowing them continued access to my life. Healthy boundaries are not a lack of forgiveness. In fact, boundaries can be an act of wisdom. Jesus loved people deeply, yet He also stepped away from those who sought to harm Him. I can extend grace while still protecting my heart.

There have been moments when I honestly didn’t want to forgive. Part of me wanted the person who hurt me to experience the same pain they caused. I wanted them to understand how deeply their words or actions affected me. But every time I held onto those thoughts, I found myself becoming more anxious, more exhausted, and less at peace. I realized I was allowing someone else’s actions to continue affecting my life long after the original hurt had happened.

Holding onto unforgiveness doesn’t just affect my heart—it can also affect my mind. If you’ve been struggling with anxious thoughts or find yourself replaying painful situations over and over, my post 10 Bible Verses for Anxiety and Overthinking shares Scriptures that have helped me refocus on God’s peace instead of my fears.

That’s when my prayers began to change.

Instead of asking God to make the other person apologize, I started asking Him to change my own heart. Some days my prayer was as simple as, “Lord, help me forgive because I can’t do it on my own.” Other days it was, “I’m willing to become willing.” I discovered that God wasn’t expecting me to manufacture forgiveness through sheer determination. He was inviting me to rely on His strength instead of my own.

If that’s your prayer today, you’re not alone. Sometimes the simplest prayers are the most honest. I wrote a Prayer for Forgiveness for anyone who wants to release their hurt to God but isn’t sure what to say.

Romans 12:19 has become a comforting reminder during those times: “Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the Lord.” Those words remind me that justice ultimately belongs to God. He sees everything I have experienced. Even when no one else understands my pain, He does. I don’t have to carry the responsibility of making everything right because I serve a God who is both loving and just.

The greatest example of forgiveness will always be Jesus. As He hung on the cross after being mocked, beaten, and crucified, He prayed, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34). Many of the people who participated in His suffering never apologized. Yet Jesus chose mercy anyway. Every time I read those words, I’m reminded that forgiveness is possible because of His example and His power working in me.

That doesn’t mean forgiving will always feel natural. Sometimes it feels more like surrender than emotion. It’s choosing to trust God with the hurt instead of replaying it repeatedly. It’s choosing peace instead of bitterness. It’s deciding that my future will not be controlled by someone else’s past actions.

I’ve also learned that trust and forgiveness are different. I can forgive someone while recognizing that trust may need to be rebuilt over time—or that it may never be restored at all. Forgiveness is something God asks of me. Trust is earned through consistent change. Understanding that difference has brought me a great deal of freedom.

One of the most encouraging truths I’ve discovered is that my healing doesn’t depend on receiving an apology. My peace comes from Christ, not from another person’s willingness to admit they were wrong. While an apology might bring closure, it isn’t required for God to begin healing my heart. He is fully capable of restoring what someone else broke.

If you’re struggling to forgive someone who never apologized, know that you’re not alone. I understand how difficult that journey can be. Bring your hurt to God honestly. Let Him carry the burden you’ve been holding for so long. He sees every tear, every disappointment, and every unanswered question. The apology may never come, but God’s healing still can. As I continue trusting Him, I find that forgiveness isn’t about setting someone else free—it’s about allowing God to set my own heart free.

Many Blessings,

Lisa Marie

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If this post encouraged you, you may also enjoy:

• Praying for Someone Who Hurt You: Choosing Peace When It Feels Impossible
• Prayer for Forgiveness
• 10 Bible Verses for Anxiety and Overthinking
• Faith and Therapy: Why Both Can Work Together