I have had this blog post idea that I have wanted to write but couldn’t seem to get it started. I wasn’t intended to write it until now maybe. It’s an important post for me and I wanted to share that with others because I know what it is like to feel alone and like you have no one to talk to or lean on. Thing is, there are people that can touch our lives in some big and even small ways. These women have touched my life in really big ways. As I reflect back on things, I realize that God was right there when I felt most alone, and He put these women in my path for a reason.
Have you ever met people in your life that truly touch the deep parts of your soul in ways you couldn’t imagine? Ever meet people who are just flat out inspiring and just super encouraging? Have you ever stopped to really think about what certain people really bring into your life? I’m not talking family either. I’m talking about people outside of the family. Cause I will be honest, the most cherished women in my life are in my family! But, I’ve been blessed with amazing women outside of my family and each one of them has played or plays a very important role in my life. I’m going to introduce you to a few….
High school was a pretty tough time for me. I was battling depression, self-harm, and anxiety pretty badly at this point. I was going to therapy, but I wasn’t giving it my all. I was still young (14) and parts of me just didn’t really care to do the work that was expected of me. It was during this time that I had met the school social worker. I began seeing her quite often and she quickly took me under her wing and over the next 4 years she was ALWAYS there for me. This was the first time I truly felt like someone, other than family, really cared about me. When I needed someone to talk to about anything, there she was. When I was self-harming a lot and falling to pieces, there she was picking up those pieces and gluing them back together. I am sure I drove this woman crazy, but you know what, she was still there. Still being incredibly supportive and worked her butt off to show me that I was worth it and that I am to never give up on myself. She planted that seed in me and even 22 years later I remember some of our talks, her uplifting words, and encouragement. She wasn’t always easy on me and she knew that is what I needed and that is what I responded to most. She kept me on my toes and challenged me. Even after high school, she was there when I needed her and all these years later and we still keep in touch. She got me through some tough years of my life and never gave up on me. For that, I will forever be thankful. She is a huge component of what has molded me into the woman I am today. To this day I still say “I want to be the kind of person she was for me, in someone’s life. I couldn’t have gotten through those years without her, believe me.
In my twenties, I was seeing a therapist who wanted me to attend group therapy at another practice. I refused for a while but ended up giving it a shot. I met the woman who ran the group and thought okay, I can do this, she seems nice and seems like someone I can connect with. From day one she was available and extremely supportive and encouraging. I ended up leaving my current therapist and began seeing the group therapist on an individual basis as well. It seemed like the right thing to do since I was doing group therapy with her. That was the best decision I ever made. Little did I know though, that this woman would really get me going in such a better direction and be so diligent with me through everything I threw at her. She knew exactly when to be that sweet therapist and when to be that tough therapist with me. I would be lying if I said I was the best patient in the world and I’m pretty sure she got close to the edge with me but still she never gave up. With this woman it was then I realized that not everyone gives up on you. Not everyone just tosses you to the side even when it gets rough. Regardless if someone says, “that’s her job.” While yes, it is her job she could have easily said it was not working out and she could’ve suggested other therapists for me. She didn’t, and she stuck by me through some really rough things I was going through at the time. I can’t tell you the number of times I pushed this woman away, but you know what, there she was every time I found my way back. She didn’t let me get away with not doing the work, in individual and group therapy. She pushed, and when I pushed back, she pushed harder. She lit many fires within me when I thought all hope was gone. When I attempted suicide, she was there. When I felt at my lowest and thought I was going to do that again, there she was. When I felt so hopeless and lost, there she was guiding me and pushing me to pick myself up. Remember those who don’t leave your side, even when you think that they should have. This one I could go on forever about, but at the end of the day there aren’t enough words to express the gratitude I have for this woman in particular. She’s has been one of the biggest blessings in my life.
Fast forward to last year when I began doing IOP (Intensive Outpatient Program). The therapist I met there that was running that program was like the perfect fit for me at the time. I instantly clicked with her. I didn’t need someone who was going to baby me. I needed someone who was going to give it to me straight and not play games. That was certainly this woman! At this point, it really was a fight for my life, big time, and she was not about to let me lose that fight, that was clear from the beginning. I can’t count the number of sessions we had or emails that were sent back and forth during the time I worked with her. I can’t count the number of times she took time out for me after group sessions just to encourage me and remind me I was not alone. I thank this woman in particular for really digging deep with me and getting me to face things others have not been able to. I thank this woman for saving my life when I truly felt I was going to throw in the towel and give up. I thank her for stepping in and not allowing me to take the easy road out. I thank her for pushing me even if I was scared…. because, at the end of the day, she remained by my side through it. It was she who suggested I do the inpatient program and I am very grateful for that. That was one of the times I was most afraid and there she was. My favorite thing about her, in particular, was how real and honest she was with me. She never sugar-coated things. She was in my life for a short time period, but I will always be so thankful for her place in my life. I believe God saw me struggling, even if I wasn’t walking with God at this time, and He said this woman will save your life for me and there she was. That she did, she saved me from myself and that’s an incredible blessing in my eyes.
Now this one…. Oh, how this one is a biggie for me and she is a blessing that I never ever saw coming! She’s going to end up getting her own full post I am sure. Once again, I started to struggle with depression, self-harm, anxiety, and hopelessness. Not to mention I was really struggling with my medications also, so that had me all over the place emotionally and mentally. My Mom kept telling me about this really nice Christian woman who was just very positive, and she wanted me to listen to these videos of her speaking. Well, I kept blowing it off. I didn’t want to get into “religion” with anyone! Things were quickly getting worse for me and my mom suggested I meet this woman. So, I agreed, mostly just to stop my Mom from pushing! Little did I know my life would change instantly after going into that coffee shop. I was losing hope, yet again, and there she was. I think it was about 3 days after first meeting her and I was on the verge of being forced into the hospital because I was feeling as though I was going to hurt myself. I reached out to her and she didn’t hesitate to be there for me. Since day one, she has been right by my side. She is there when I ask what I think are the silliest questions. She’s there when I need someone to listen. If it’s a hug I need, she doesn’t hesitate. If I ask for prayer, I know she will fight for me and pray, and pray hard at that. Now this woman, she is someone I can really talk to on a deep level. She gets me and understands the emotions I go through first hand. I never thought I’d be doing the things that I am doing now; the biggest thing is walking with God. She didn’t push that onto me and I am grateful for that because I wouldn’t have responded well to it. She encouraged me but left that decision up to me. I felt that creating a relationship with God was my last hope and here is this incredibly sweet and inspiring woman willing to walk that journey with me. So as much as she is “there” for me in general, she feeds my soul on a spiritual level. This woman lifts me up and always encourages me spiritually. I want to say, “I don’t know how I got so lucky,” and while that is true, the reality is that I was blessed beyond words with our friendship. It is truly God who gave her to me. I’m trying very hard to find the words to describe her role in my life but honestly there really aren’t that many “words” it’s just a feeling that comes from so deep within my heart. That alone says it all to me. When just the thought of someone makes your heart smile in such a big way, you make sure you hold onto that. People like her do not come around often. I deserve to have her in my life and I am blessed with every text, every hug, every word of encouragement, every laugh, every eye roll (lol) and everything spiritual that she gives to me. I am truly blessed with HER, my sister in Christ.
Sometimes we meet people that are only in our lives for a short period of time and while that can be heartbreaking, it is important that we are thankful for the role they played while they were active in our lives. Think about what they added to your life. We all need people who lift us up and encourage us. We all need women such as these to help us on the journey called life. I am truly honored that I am able to say I have had or have these women in my life, to walk beside me. I am blessed that they stood beside me during some really tough things when I thought for sure they would leave because I was “too difficult.” I give these women a lot of credit for sticking it out with me. There certainly are others who have really stuck it out with me as well. I know who those women are and so do they.
In God’s perfect timing we will come across people who truly touch the depths of our soul and we won’t feel so alone in this world. I believe there are women such as these for everyone. Just wait, you’ll find such beautiful and amazing souls that will lift you higher than you ever imagined.